i took a “fuck work” break, and it was the best thing I could do for my business
Around October of 2022, I got the creative bug really bad. I was getting a flood of ideas for my business, and being the overly big dreamer that I am, I just started turning all of them into realities. I did not stop. I was doing the mom thing, the wife thing, and every second I wasn’t doing those two things, I was working relentlessly on my business. I was so pumped about the ideas I was having. But, it was also becoming a lot of work. I was overwhelmed, and found myself taking it out on my family. After talking to my husband about it, he suggested the best thing to do would be to hire a Virtual Assistant.
So, I began to recruit experienced Virtual Assistants, with a heavy background in Marketing via niche specific Facebook groups. In just one week (mind you, it was the week of Thanksgiving, which made the week even crazier than it already is), I received about 50 resumes! I was pretty stoked to see such an incredible interest to be a part of my business team! More than anything, I was grateful.
Now, side note: I have always been one to work better alone. I like to control many aspects of my life, especially work. So, it was a huge move for me to even consider hiring an assistant. Okay, back to my story…. I narrowed it down to just a few candidates. I conducted some interviews, and finally decided on someone I felt was the whole package to really help me take my business to a new level. She claimed to have so much experience and knowledge on all things marketing, and that was the selling point for me. I wanted someone to have creative/marketing superpowers, while also assisting me on an administrative basis.
So, I brought this person on, and since she claimed she was an “expert”, I did not micro manage at all. I gave her specific tasks, and let her get to it. The first task wasn’t even done the way I requested, but I let it go. And the second task I gave her was straightforward, yet she sat on it for about two days, and then said she didn’t know what to do. The inconsistencies went on. But, to make a long story short, this person was not the expert they claimed to be, did not have a single creative or marketing bone in her body. She had no work to show for the days she supposedly worked for me. But, she was quick to charge me for absolute shit work.
It goes without saying, I won’t be hiring an assistant anytime soon. I now have VA trust issues.
All these amazing visions I was seeing for my business were suddenly getting fogged up. It felt awful. I was mad, sad, confused, anxious, you get it. It sucked. Then it was Christmas time, which adds even more overwhelm. I was feeling so betrayed, questioned if my ideas were even worthy. Aside from an already difficult year due to personal matters, this was definitely not the way I wanted to end my year. Work had always been something I could escape to, and depend on for regained confidence and faith. Not anymore.
For the first two weeks of December, I would spend many days crying on and off. When I had Zoom calls with clients, I would put a cold Jade roller on my eyes to make the puffiness of my crying eyes go away. And then, I would wear big fake smiles. But, I wasn’t just doing this in December. This had been happening on an off throughout all of 2022….actually more like the last almost 4 years. It had always been mainly due to some personal things I had been battling with, but the worst of it was in December 2022, because I suddenly lost faith in my business, in people. And, it was then I decided to completely disconnect from all things work. I didn’t dare even open my laptop for 2 weeks.
I still kept very busy as I was preparing for Christmas, but it felt nice to just let my mind thaw out. I enjoyed the pleasures of doing absolutely nothing, and being okay with it. I enjoyed some good movies on Netflix, and even some reading for pleasure. I vacated completely from the hustle mentality, and it was then I felt the anxiety I had been battling with finally start to simmer down a bit.
I recently came across a spiritual mentor who specializes in quantum healing, and she touches a lot on this “over achiever”, “hustle” paradigm. No one explains it better than her, as she explains it with complete scientific facts. But, just know having an over achiever/hustle mentality is extremely toxic, and actually jeopardizes you from receiving what you desire. So, don’t even bother with it. I am now enrolled in some of her programs, and have been healing. The anxiety bubble I would wake up with daily is now a thing of the past. Sometimes it still wants to poke through, but I am learning how to transmute it…alchemize it into positivity and optimism. It’s an embodiment in process.
I have now returned to work, but on my terms. I am now listening to what I want, instead of that old “do or die” mentality. I come first. It doesn’t mean I’m going to leave my clients or my business hanging. I will still give both of them my best energy, but now I know I have to pour into myself more and first, in order to give them my top notch energy.
Unplugging from work in December was the best thing I did for myself, my family, and my business. It was a chance for my heart and mind to finally breathe, and just be. Life is fast enough, I don’t need the “go go go” work ethic to expedite it even more. I am now moving my personal life, and work life with the flow of the universe. Our plan was designed before we were even born. So, why burn myself out by thinking I have a complete control over it. Have you ever been tubing in a lazy river? It’s so relaxing, enjoyable, soothing, and you flow beautifully without your control. That’s where I am now, and it’s so nice.
